Looking for a different world..

I am so deeply disappointed in myself. I don't know what I am doing and why I am doing it anymore. That's not a good sign.

All I think about is a way to get out of this. I should not feel trapped but I do. I have lost the purpose all over again. I can't find the beginning and I don't know how it will end. Or it will ever.

Life should be good, easy, effortless. All the things the I want from life has made it so miserable, impossible to live. All the targets and goals. It's like carrot and stick.

That selfishness is at the core of our existence and so is at the core of every relationship. There will never be perfect balance. Or maybe the perfect balance which I hope for isn't feasible or the world we live in is not hospitable for its survival. But it's not impossible for it to exist. Maybe I need to live in a different world.